Have We Ever Actually Learned Effective Communication?

From Co-Founder, Rose Planer.

When I ask my female therapy clients if they have a community or a close group of friends, the majority reply, "yes." However, they also report that they never have the time to see their friends and infrequently contact them. Many report struggling with depression and anxiety due to loneliness. When they finally see their friends, they feel better immediately. However, the feeling quickly fades due to little follow-up or continued phone calls or meetings. 

My theory: human friendships have not evolved since adolescence. Some reading will want empirical evidence to back up this sweeping, some would say offensive, claim.  However, as a therapist who works with people from all different racial, cultural and religious backgrounds, I listen to adults describe their friendships and then listen to teenagers discuss their friendships--the similarities in these relationships are striking. The truth: We never learn.

The reason our friendships have never evolved is based on the fact that we have never learned how to communicate with one another effectively. Pushing down our own pride to admit our mistakes, owning up to our short-comings, and reaching out when we need someone is something that the majority of adults are still unable to accomplish. The results: our adult friendships are mostly superficial, unfulfilling and unreliable. If you disagree with this statement and have found life-long, fulfilling friendships, than more power to you! However, I don't think this is the norm. I would postulate that the majority of us cling to social media because the subconscious part of our brain is trying to search for connection…somewhere. We scroll down hundreds of posts from our so called friends. When we finally disconnect, we feel even worse than when we opened up the giant F in the center of our cell phone.There is nothing social about social media and we are certainly not networking or connecting, not in a way that makes us feel good.

We have forgotten what connection means, our brains have been re-wired to scroll through artificial postings. My hope is that our Round Table discussions teach us how to have fulfilling, face-to-face interactions without technology. Communication is the foundation of any relationship. The Found will give participants the tools to feel confident when making new connections with people and deepen connections with life-long friends. Please join us and help make face-to-face interactions a priority in our society. If you have looked at social media more than three times today, put your phone down and call a friend.